i need to get this stuff up in a hurry because i have racing thoughts and pressured speech right now and need to vent. no, it's more that i need to act on 'em while i still have the impetus to do so and this all goes away. i may have what the mainstream mental health community calls "bi-polar" and i'm going through some things, figuring some things out. i've been wanting/needing to start a prose blog for some time now. it will be, at this point, much in the vein of a journal. why not just write a private journal? i dunno, but for some reason i need people to be aware of my thoughts and feelings. it makes me feel like they're more valid that way. i have found that if i feel like i'm actually writing to someone, an actual human being as opposed to merely a blank piece of paper, i am more motivated to write about my experiences and the resultant feelings which follow them. the thought that there actually may be an empathetic soul there on the other side propels me to open up. and i don't seem to have the long-term discipline required to anais nin it. in other words, to write a journal with the notion that vaguely "one day" i may publish it and people will know i lived and suffered. this way, though it's a long-shot, maybe someone will know NOW.
subsequently, because of that nowness, many of my postings will be letters and e-mails that i have already sent directly to friends. some of my blogs will be direct cut-and-pastes from facebook threads where i felt my contribution was especially profound. i need the world to be able to be directed to tangible evidence of my introspective brilliance (har har) in one, easy to reach location.
i realize no one may ever read these in the end. i only have one subscriber to my other blog and i have no idea if he ever checks back on it.
i suppose i'm taking a big risk by posting my private correspondences here (the private ones, where my friends' thought they were communicating to me in confidence will always only be one-sided, *my* contribution only) because many of these things i have not yet decided to let everyone i know in on. but then again, i may not even decide to make this particular blogspot url public to anyone i know. the other blogs which will contain whole or segments of threads from my facebook acct on various topics of importance to me, may contain my friends comments because they were made in a public forum. we'll see. in many cases, my friends names will be deleted and only an a single letter given as substitute. as in the case of "A." representing my friend John Doe.
the other thing i feel i should qualify is that some of these postings will be quite rambling and manic - hell, i NEVER capitalize anyway, so don't look for that - but the sentence structures themselves may be hard to follow sometimes. so, if anyone does end up reading these, then i apologize in advance.
so, without further adieu....
© 2009 Copyright by Paola Lopez
subsequently, because of that nowness, many of my postings will be letters and e-mails that i have already sent directly to friends. some of my blogs will be direct cut-and-pastes from facebook threads where i felt my contribution was especially profound. i need the world to be able to be directed to tangible evidence of my introspective brilliance (har har) in one, easy to reach location.
i realize no one may ever read these in the end. i only have one subscriber to my other blog and i have no idea if he ever checks back on it.
i suppose i'm taking a big risk by posting my private correspondences here (the private ones, where my friends' thought they were communicating to me in confidence will always only be one-sided, *my* contribution only) because many of these things i have not yet decided to let everyone i know in on. but then again, i may not even decide to make this particular blogspot url public to anyone i know. the other blogs which will contain whole or segments of threads from my facebook acct on various topics of importance to me, may contain my friends comments because they were made in a public forum. we'll see. in many cases, my friends names will be deleted and only an a single letter given as substitute. as in the case of "A." representing my friend John Doe.
the other thing i feel i should qualify is that some of these postings will be quite rambling and manic - hell, i NEVER capitalize anyway, so don't look for that - but the sentence structures themselves may be hard to follow sometimes. so, if anyone does end up reading these, then i apologize in advance.
so, without further adieu....
© 2009 Copyright by Paola Lopez
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